Screening Applications

One of my many duties at my job is to screen applications that are turned in. Ideally, a qualified applicant will present a neatly printed or typed application that indicates experience, knowledge of the product, or if we're really in a pinch, lack of a criminal history. However, that does not always happen.

Some of my favorite lines from applications (these are from memory, no names are used to protect the ignorant, etc. etc. etc.) are here:

Previous job title: That Girl Who Works Here

Previous Employer: White Castle
Reason for leaving: The smell

Previous job title: Chicken Hanger
Summary of duties: Hang live chickens

Previous job title: Cash year

Position desired: shelfer (I've seen this one about 100 times)

I think my cat's depressed...

Maybe even suicidal.

Here's the background.



About 14 years or so ago, my hubby and I brought home an adorable little bundle of fur. He was all fluffy and cute and he loved to climb on your shoulder and sit in your lap. We gave him a really special name - Tiberius Faulkner Johnson Davis. He was the light of our lives, the apple of our eyes, and most importantly, he was the ONLY ONE.



Well, over the years, a few things changed. We moved some (very traumatic for him), and a few other cats came and more importantly, went. But still, he was the ONE.



Until one day, almost two years ago, things changed forever.

Zackie was born, and suddenly, Tiberius wasn't the most important one anymore. Heck, he wasn't even Tiberius. Now, he's just "Cat."

This is truly a term on endearment, but the Cat doesn't see it that way.

He (the Cat, not the kid) now takes every available opportunity to try to escape. Where he's trying to go, I'm not sure, but I suspect he has a lead on a nice time share in Florida where all the residents are older, the sun shines all the time, and no one has the energy or the desire to chase him around and grab his tail.

What's YOUR favorite cake from a movie or tv show?

Every Monday morning, I gather my managers together (there are eight of us in all) to have a meeting to discuss the next week's business. It is my job, as their leader, to keep the conversations relevant, flowing smoothly, and did I mention relevant? That's why it surprises me, in retrospect, that we spent thirty minutes of our two hour meeting discussing what our favorite cake from a movie or tv show was. There were some votes for some cake from the Lord of The Rings (I personally fell asleep before the infamous "cake" scene). Someone mentioned the FBI cake from The Silence of the Lambs, and all in attendance agreed that it was, indeed, a fine cake. However, the winner, hands down, was the Bleeding Armadillo cake from Steel Magnolias.

The most bizarre part is that I did not realize until much, much later, how strange the whole conversation was...

So what's this blog about, anyway?

About two or three years ago, I was riding down (or up, in this case) I71 with Katie, and I said something irreverent (and likely irrelevent) and afterwards, I looked at her and said "God, I'm funny." That's about the truth. And that's what this blog is about. Me.

Pretty good stuff, eh?